n e e d v s w a n t

i find myself alone more often than not; i feel sorry for myself sometimes.

yes, i have family. but my sister is the only one i really talk to. but she has her own family; with a whole load of issues to deal with. i really dont think i shoulld be taking up her time.

yes, i have friends; a lot of them actually, made up of a fair share of close friends and acquaintances. but they have their own life, i really dont think i should be disturbing. plus, i really dont want them to be that kinda friend who goes to them only when i’m alone.

yes, i have a boyfriend; one who isnt around most of the time. it’s not his fault, and i dont blame him at all, cause i know he feels so bad about it as well. it’s the very same reason why i hafta hide this loneliness from him, cause i dont want him to feel any worse, i dont want him to worry.

be it family, friends or boyfriend, i know that they love me loads. if i jolly well ask, i know they would do their best to be here with me. but the problem is, i dont ask. i just cant, cause i really hate to bother people, hate to be a burden to anyone. so ultimately, i am the culprit for my own sorry state.

people says that i’m dependent, i suppose they really dont know me well. but behind all these independence, i still need someone. i just learn not to want.

i m i s s y o u m u c h

i wish i didnt hafta always hold back the tears.
i wish you could be right here, right now.
i wish we didnt hafta go through this phase.

but i just cant cry in front of you, and neither can i say “i wish you werent in OCS”. cause i know how sorry it will all make you feel; to have me caught in sucha situation.

but tonight i just wanna curl up in my empty bed and cry. weak i know; i’m sorry.

f u c k e m o

it just no longer feels the same.

is it just me? or is it really happening?

only 3 weeks into the 38 weeks and 3 months into the 22 months. sometimes i really dont feel confident.

fuck this emo-ness. FUCK.

h a v e y o u e v e r

cause you dont know how it feels like, to be lying on your
own side of e bed, sobbing away alone.

f r i e n d s

sometimes, it’s just so hard to satisy everyone.
why cant we be like the way we used to be?
it hurts to know that we’re drifting apart.

委屈

my heart stops beating, and i go breatheless; as if a part of me has taken its leave. it has always been this way, every single time issues occurs between us; exactly the way you left me, the day you wanted out from my life.

i just want you to be happy. i just want to keep us going. i’m doing everything that i can, not that you’re not, i know that you are; i know it, i appreciate it, and i love it.

but sometimes, it’s as if i don’t know you at all. or is it me that’s still not good enough?

As soon as forever is through, i’ll be over you.

l i f e

i hate it that my world always revolves around you.

h a u n t e d

i realised i’ve never got over that haunting nightmare; even after so long.

i feel myself trembling all over; i’m scared.

You’re the best thing that’s ever been mine.

b u t t e r f l i e s i n m y s t o m a c h

as the day gets nearer and nearer, i find it harder and harder to breathe; nervous breakdown!

counting down; 2 days.

on a side note, i’m DYING to drink KOI!

t o r t u r e

low carb diet is killing me!

I NEED POTATOES!

5 days; counting down.