i find myself alone more often than not; i feel sorry for myself sometimes.
yes, i have family. but my sister is the only one i really talk to. but she has her own family; with a whole load of issues to deal with. i really dont think i shoulld be taking up her time.
yes, i have friends; a lot of them actually, made up of a fair share of close friends and acquaintances. but they have their own life, i really dont think i should be disturbing. plus, i really dont want them to be that kinda friend who goes to them only when i’m alone.
yes, i have a boyfriend; one who isnt around most of the time. it’s not his fault, and i dont blame him at all, cause i know he feels so bad about it as well. it’s the very same reason why i hafta hide this loneliness from him, cause i dont want him to feel any worse, i dont want him to worry.
be it family, friends or boyfriend, i know that they love me loads. if i jolly well ask, i know they would do their best to be here with me. but the problem is, i dont ask. i just cant, cause i really hate to bother people, hate to be a burden to anyone. so ultimately, i am the culprit for my own sorry state.
people says that i’m dependent, i suppose they really dont know me well. but behind all these independence, i still need someone. i just learn not to want.
